Last night on Earth, Part II

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So my previous post was about me deciding to live my life like it was my last night on Earth.  We went out to a small neighborhood restaurant/bar near where my husband grew up. We met up with the bass player’s wife and hung out with her while the band played.  My husband saw a number of other friends he knew there as well.

We hung out with another couple that are very good friends also.  There was a lot of laughter, good food, good music, good friends.  So much GOOD.  We shared triumphs and sorrows. We caught up on each others’ lives.  We applauded a lot because they are a talented group of players.

Through all this I did not think about what I had to do tomorrow.  I didn’t remember attitudes of unkindness I had experienced.  I was focused solely on my friends, enjoying their company. Laughing, smiling, talking, telling jokes.  Right there in the moment where everything came together. I made eye contact.  I paid attention and listened more, as if I might never hear their voices again. I drank in their faces and features. Saw the inner beauty of each, fully flawed and fully perfect. I heard the tones and qualities of their voices.  Relished the way their faces would light up in spontaneous joy at a shared witticism. I saw them as the treasures they are. I spent time with very dear friends, and my incredible husband.  Keeping the framework of “what if” it were my last night on the planet.  Well, if it was… I wanted to remember it as a beautiful thing. I sought to bask in the glow of the power of now.  It was everything I dreamed and more.

All this because a simple thought crossed my mind.  The “what if” possibility of a final chance at letting distractions fall away, of removing my to do list, of waving off my perceived sorrows.  Because if I wasn’t here tomorrow, then none of that would matter.  What mattered was right in front of me.  Loved ones, dear friends, family and the handful of hours we spent together.

I loved the feeling of seeing what was right in front of me, rather than what was dancing in my head, waving flags and pointing to fragments of life vying for my attention.  It was a joyous thing to have spent that time with those fabulous human beings.  So very intriguing as to why the thought crossed my mind.  And then, a few days later I realized something that riveted me in place. Surely not.  But yes… it was a truth and I was dumbfounded that I had let it slip by.  I never forget dates… never.  But this time I had…

October 20 was the night I went out and lived in the moment.  The realization of what that day represents hit me like a ton of bricks and the irony floored me.  You see, the date of October 20th is the day that my father died in 1987. More on that tomorrow….

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Last Night on Earth… From October 20, 2013

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What would you do if tonight were your last night on Earth?  I don’t mean in a religious sense so much, but more in a “how will you spend your last night on Earth?  what would you consciously change?”

Yes, you could have your family together?  But that may be difficult depending on proximity.  Spontaneity is the only plan, unless you already had plans and kept them.  I’m curious as to what people would do.  If there was one person you wanted to spend it with or one great memory to leave them.  You wouldn’t know if it were your last night in advance.  In theory it could be tonight.. right now. How will you live your life tonight?

I’m going to try this.  It’s about 5:30 p.m. and I’m kinda tired.  Worked in the yard for a few hours today.  Going out with Mike to see our buddies’ band play.  Going to have some dinner.  This will be a cool experiment.  Hope I see you tomorrow. LOL. If not, fare ye well.

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So.. I survived and lived like it was my last night on the planet.  What a great time.  I’ll post more tomorrow, but it was a great experiment. ❤

Baby, it’s cold outside…

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Wow! It’s a bit nippy!  I think the low was forecast for 9 degrees last night.  I didn’t check the accuracy.  I just went to bed – warm and safe.  I never want to take that for granted.

Time moves so quickly.  A year has zipped by with no help from us at all.  It is said that time is a man-made concept.  Like many man-made constructs, it has taken on a life of its own.  Time rules our lives.  And it does so because we let it.

It’s safe to say that this moment is all we have.  This year I am hoping to live more in the moment than in the trappings of the moment.  All this shall fall away, and we will be left with just ourselves.  I do enjoy my own company but I treasure the company of friends and loved ones.  May this year be filled with more moments spent together with those we love.  The way this occurs is for us to make it happen.  I intend to do just that.

Happy New Year – one more time.  Shine, sparkle, live, and love.  It’s the obvious choice.

[image found here:  http://indulgy.com/post/PbpEoKC0Q1/baby-its-cold-outside%5D

Smile <3 Time to get back to work…

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Night before last, I noticed the Cheshire Cat smiling down at me from the sky.  A perfect sliver of a moon, bearing the Cheshire Cat’s smile. I smiled back.

A possible origin of the phrase “Grinning like a Cheshire Cat” is one favored by the people of Cheshire, which boasts numerous dairy farms; hence the cats grin because of the abundance of milk and cream.

I have been absent from my blog.  It happened in October when a strange occurrence found me.  I will speak more about this in the coming days, but I was so taken aback by the coincidence that I found myself at a loss to speak of it.

If the Cheshire Cat’s grin is because of an abundance of milk and cream, then today I choose to embrace that message.  I am looking forward to some abundance.  Not just the monetary variety but of much more tangible weight.  Abundance of charity, for myself and others.  Abundance of opportunities, for each of us.  Abundance of friendships, kindred spirits, common goals that bloom with the love and attention given them.  Abundance of love – for self, for others, for each other, for friends and for those with whom we disagree.  For truly love is the answer.

I go forward today with a smile for the gifts we will see in 2014.  For so many, 2013 was a real heart breaker.  My prayer today is for you to feel the hope of the promise of tomorrow.  As always, thanks for sharing in this journey with me.  My gratitude is eternal and perpetual. Blessings of this beautiful season.  (I would say “cold” but my sister lives in southern Florida and she rarely gets to enjoy a chill.  <3)

She’s how old?

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How did we get from this…?

To this?

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My baby girl is 17 today.  She is a beautiful and bright girl.  She is wickedly funny.  She is an awesome friend and a wonderful daughter.  She is a tomboy and a beauty queen.  She is a thief – a stealer of hearts.  A source of pride and joy.  She is a gift and we are grateful.

Happy 17th birthday to our youngest child.  Rock on, baby girl.

Countdown to 53

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One month from today, I’ll be 53 years old!  Boy – time flies when you’re having fun!  …and even when you aren’t.

I was born in 1960 in a small town in North Carolina. I like that the year ends in zero, because as I get older, I can do the math easily when I forget which birthday is approaching.  I’ve been doing the math for years.  Funny that I can’t remember my own age at times.  Perhaps it’s not as important a detail as I’ve thought.

I have a friend who said that she could not wait to be an adult.  Her parents had always told her that when she was an adult things would be different.  She said that one day in her early 20’s she realized that even though she was an adult, nothing had changed!  She was still the same person.  She thought of things the same way!  She was just older.  All that time she’d been expecting to be “different” when she “grew up” and it never happened.  She was angry that no one told her she’d still feel the same inside, but that she would simply be of legal age to do grown up things.  We are who we are, regardless of age.

I do feel the same in my head as when I was younger, but I am more confident and do not bow to fear.  I try to make my decisions based in love, and not fear or anger.  If you consider your motivation when making a decision, it reveals a lot about who you are.  If you are paying attention, there is a much to be gained from this awareness.

My motivation in this life is to make others happy, sometimes to my own detriment.  Making my decisions based in love doesn’t mean that I always give in, but that I must think of what it best for everyone in the situation in a given moment.  One thing that is important for me to remember is that I, too, am worthy of decisions made on my behalf that are based in love.  I have to love me, first.  If I don’t then how could I possibly be fit to love another?  This lesson took many years to learn.  I am a slow learner when it comes to me.  The thing I know, that I sometimes forget is that I must be my own best friend.  Treat me nicely and make me laugh.  Buy me presents and talk myself off the ledge.  I’m worth the effort.

I’ve come a long way in 53 years.  So much living left to do.  So many people to love.  On to 53 I go.  …living, loving, and learning.

A Fall Wedding…

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The day has finally arrived!  Our dear friends and neighbors’ daughter is getting married this evening!  I can hardly believe it.  She’s only a couple months older than our daughter!  Where does the time go?  One day you are buying her first ballet shoes and the next you are dancing at her wedding?  I’m almost certain there is a time warp…

Fall is such a beautiful time for a wedding.  I suppose when you are in love that anytime is a beautiful time for a wedding.  Since our anniversary is in the fall, I can appreciate anniversaries in such a lovely time of year.  It’s definitely cuddle weather.  Romantic walks in the park that hold the glory of autumn.  This is what is pictured on a wedding day… the future, in all its yet to be seen splendor.

The Bride-to-be is someone who knows what she wants and knows how to get it.  She specializes in hard work, dedication, and perseverance.  She is a stunningly beautiful girl.  She has an easy smile and a big heart.  All these traits will serve her well in the coming years of married life.  But it’s the dedication and hard work that will be her greatest assets, because THAT is what it takes to make a successful marriage.  I can only imagine how proud her parents must be of the woman she’s become, as they give their little girl’s hand in marriage.  To them I say congratulations, and well done.

I can’t believe how much I am choking up as I write this.  Having seen this young girl blossom into a woman has been a rare gift.  It gives me hope for the future and the weddings of our own daughters…. in the far far far future.  I believe one of the true joys of life is seeing who your children become.  Admiring their strengths and seeing them overcome their weaknesses.  Making their way in the world, regardless of our best efforts to screw them up royally.  They blossom in spite of it all, leaving us in awe of how it all went so fast.

Tonight we will celebrate joyfully at the joining of two hearts, the beginning of a lifelong journey, in a season of beauty and love.

…now where did I put those dancing shoes?

 

[image found here:  http://www.delawareweddings.com/index.php/fall-wedding-trends/%5D