Harder than ever…

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“HARDER”

I would have thought

that

just as time heals all wounds

that Today I’d be better

Today I’d be prepared

to go about my life in an ordinary fashion

As if Today

Were a somewhat ordinary day.

This morning, as everything went wrong

I trudged on – chip firmly on my shoulder

like it’s glued there.

Today as I bitched and moaned

on the ride in to work

and continued after I got here

I began to know

that Today will never be

an ordinary day.

It can never be what it once was to any of us.

And as I grumble and complain

About the most trivial of life’s ordinary woes

There are those who sit silently

Mourning a loss that I personally do not know.

Real, tangible, still-a-bleeding-wound loss.

And I am ashamed

to complain about the tiny hurts I carry

as if the mother of all burdens is mine.

And perspective slices open the bandage on my eyes

And I see

That I know nothing of mourning.

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Good Morning!

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It’s almost time for me to return home from my visit to my sister’s.  I am so glad I could be here with her.  I must admit, it has been an eye opener for me.  It’s about as different from my life as it gets.  My life is all fast-paced and go go go.  We were going nonstop, but since Saturday things have slowed a bit.  Now comes the hard part.. Moving forward.  That seems to be a “learn as you go” event.  Our lives are forever changed.

I have been a bit lost, as I didn’t know my nephew as well as I knew his brothers and sisters.  This whole time I have been thinking of what I missed.  But now I understand that if I had known him better, my grief would be just that much harder to bear.  Is that a selfish thought?  I can’t tell you the answer to that, but I do know it’s the truth.  I do know that one of my favorite all-time sayings sums it up well.  I leave you with this today….

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for awhile, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.”
Flavia Weedn

 

 

The Dance

Today is a day of grieving for my family.  Well, it’s ANOTHER day of grieving.  We lost my nephew in a tragic car accident last Wednesday night.  Today is his memorial service.  The pain surrounding all associated with this ordeal is horrific.  It just doesn’t stop.

This is a day when we give thanks for the joy of knowing him.  This is a day we celebrate his life.  This is a day we formally acknowledge as “farewell.”

Farewell. Godspeed.  Til we meet again.

 

The Dance ~ Garth Brooks

 

Acceptance

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So today we look at acceptance.  Acceptance says you’ll agree to take things as they are without trying to change them. In the Serenity Prayer, we accept the things we cannot change.  There are a lot of things you can’t change.  You accept them or reject them based on who you are, or on the situation.  Some of the most difficult things to accept as they are, are people.

You can’t change people.  They are in charge of their lives.  See them for what they are, for who they are, for how they are.  A friend passed on a lesson to me, that is another truth I accept.  It is this:  People are always showing us who they are.  We just don’t want to believe them.  That statement, my friends, is TRUTH.

There isn’t a lot that can’t be changed with the right set of variables.  Chronic illness, addictions, loss…  these are a few that you may not be able to change.  Your job is to accept them or don’t.  But understand you will not be able to change things that are directly attached to another person.  YOU CANNOT CHANGE PEOPLE.  Please note – there is NO COMMA before “people” in the previous sentence.  People can absolutely change but they have to want it. No one can do it for them.

Here is an example:  I used to be smart.  Now I’m nice.  Truth.  I used to be WAY smart.  Does that mean I’m not smart now?  …the jury’s still out…  BUT I had to realize that being happy to be me because I was smarter than you, didn’t make it okay for me to treat you as less than me.  If I have all these brains and decide that means I can treat you like “less” because you don’t have these brains…?  What the HELL does that say about me?  Not much nice.  If God gave me smarts, it wasn’t so that I could rub it in your face.  I know a lot of people who aren’t book-smart.  But they have other gifts you can’t buy or can’t learn.  I have accepted that while it’s great to be smart, it’s GREATER to appreciate others for their gifts.  Appreciating and celebrating the gifts of others is coming face to face with GRATITUDE.  Now THERE’S a powerful word…

Learn to accept what you cannot change.  If this means you walk away from it, then so be it.  You have the ability to choose what you can accept and what you can’t.  If you can accept things that you cannot change, it puts you a step ahead of the pack.  Don’t waste your finite energy on something you can’t accept that can’t be changed.  Acceptance is a strength. It renders you powerful and puts you in charge of what you CAN change.

Courage anyone?  Yes. Please.

photo from thecoffeeklatch.com

The Sun Came Up Again Today

It seems I should get used to the sun coming up, get used to days that keep coming.  Though we feel like we can’t go on, go on we must.  Go on we do.

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I love it that sunrises are the start of the day.  Slowly and surely the rays peek through the pinkish cast in the sky.  The clouds make pictures and filter the beauty of the sun.  We can only see the sun through the clouds.  Ever so slightly we see the brightness increase and the silhouette of the trees can no longer contain the glory of the sunbeams that shoot through.

And then it was morning.

I will always love it that the rising sun reminds us of you.  It’s unstoppable.  You are here with us.  Every day we greet the sun and smile at your “Good morning”.  We hear it in our hearts.  We see your smiling eyes.

Thank you for all the “Good Mornings” you’ve given us.  Thank you that THIS is the beautiful reminder we will always have of you.  The bright and shining sun, that cannot be stopped.  Cannot be held back.  Like the love we have for you, and you for us, the sun will rise again and again.

Thank you, for shining so brightly.  We’ll see you again in the morning.  Godspeed.  Farewell.  Til we meet again.