Keep Your Eyes on the Road

Follow-Your-Heart-Sign

This morning as I drove to work, I saw a sign on a pasture fence that read, “Now Boarding, Equestrian Facility” or something like that. I drive by it every day. There are horses in the pasture, with barn type buildings in the distance. It’s beautiful and peaceful.

As I glanced over, I thought to myself, “I can’t wait until I can afford to have horses.” And as I glanced back at the road, I heard the sound of my tires hitting the grids from the road’s edge notifying me that I was drifting left, onto the shoulder. I quickly corrected, and thought to myself, “Stay on the road.” And it seemed that was the answer to my mental thought. Someday I’ll have horses. Yeah… okay… just stay on the road you’re on. No time for horses.

I firmly believe that one day my road will lead to a horse or a horse farm, where a few horses can graze on green grass, safe from slaughter.  Even if they are just pasture ornaments – that’s fine with me. I do believe that will happen – but I do not see a means to that end right now. My hands are full, and kind of bound by the present moment. I can only keep doing what I am doing. Continuing on the road I’m on. My chosen path. The one that leads to me.

I can’t wait until I can afford to have horses. But it looks like wait, I will.

Smile <3 Time to get back to work…

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Night before last, I noticed the Cheshire Cat smiling down at me from the sky.  A perfect sliver of a moon, bearing the Cheshire Cat’s smile. I smiled back.

A possible origin of the phrase “Grinning like a Cheshire Cat” is one favored by the people of Cheshire, which boasts numerous dairy farms; hence the cats grin because of the abundance of milk and cream.

I have been absent from my blog.  It happened in October when a strange occurrence found me.  I will speak more about this in the coming days, but I was so taken aback by the coincidence that I found myself at a loss to speak of it.

If the Cheshire Cat’s grin is because of an abundance of milk and cream, then today I choose to embrace that message.  I am looking forward to some abundance.  Not just the monetary variety but of much more tangible weight.  Abundance of charity, for myself and others.  Abundance of opportunities, for each of us.  Abundance of friendships, kindred spirits, common goals that bloom with the love and attention given them.  Abundance of love – for self, for others, for each other, for friends and for those with whom we disagree.  For truly love is the answer.

I go forward today with a smile for the gifts we will see in 2014.  For so many, 2013 was a real heart breaker.  My prayer today is for you to feel the hope of the promise of tomorrow.  As always, thanks for sharing in this journey with me.  My gratitude is eternal and perpetual. Blessings of this beautiful season.  (I would say “cold” but my sister lives in southern Florida and she rarely gets to enjoy a chill.  <3)

Monday Check-In… Project Plans?

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Got your plans moving toward your 30 day goal?  Only 25 days left!  It’s up to you.. if you don’t plan to do anything for you after all, then that is your choice.

Read it again:  YOUR CHOICE.

I admit that my “plan” is still in “mental” form.. please – no comments from the peanut gallery…  It’s just hard to choose which awesome thing I want for me.  I promise I’ll have chosen by tomorrow.  Join me?

Apart

I know you’re out there
I can feel you
How long can you hide

Will you return
when you’re better
when you’re together
when you’re ready
before it’s too late?

It will never be too late for me
and you
You haunt me lately
you and your lack of “hereness”
And I think of you when I write poetry
I, who am not a poet
and you
who are

you who are gone
from me
from us
from the ones who really cared
in our own
ways
all ways
always

And I wonder about you
If you will be well
If you will get well
If you will… well….

you know.

I thought of you on Mother’s Day
and of him
on Mother’s Day
of him… without you.

I can’t know why
But I like to think
It’s because
You know it’s best
That you will one day return
Triumphant
Like the sun
Shining
and ready
to live
and love
and be loved
even though you always were
and are
loved.

I wish I could fix your head
and your heart
and your wiring, which is twisted, and frayed
and seriously short circuited.  I wish many things.
Wish.  Many things.  At different times.
Always trying to fix you.
Not my job.  But my desire.  Unfulfilled.  Impossible.  Empty.

I wish for you great love.
I wish for you sanity.
I wish for you acceptance.

Acceptance of your plight.  Acceptance of your fight, and your might.
and your ability to overcome, if you only believe, as i do

in you.

Your heart is so big
and in so many pieces
just
plain
dust.
You must find a glue, an elixir, a salve, a balm
stir it all together
and shape the emulsion
into a star
because you are
one.

Someday I hope to see you shine.
Before I die, someday I long
to see you shine.
and smile.
and be the little girl
that I so loved
that I so love
that i miss so very much.

… until then, you remain
in my heart,
my heart,
you are.

Please see your unique beauty.  Your broken beauty.  On the inside.
The outside doesn’t matter.
Your beautiful outside
doesn’t matter
because your insides are hidden from you.

You refuse to see the beauty and the good.
See the beauty.
And the good.
And accept that you are meant to shine.
But not for me
Not for me.
For you.

Until then.
Until when.
I remain.
We remain
apart.

MY SECRET [MISSION STATEMENT] by Wade Hunt Williams

 

This is something I wrote down for myself. I try to read this daily. I thought I would share it with my friends. Thank you for reading

MISSION STATEMENT:

NO MATTER HOW SMALL YOU THINK YOU ARE. AS A MEMBER OF A WORLD COMMUNITY YOU/WE CAN DO GREAT THINGS.
I HAVE DISCOVERED I AM NOT AN ISLAND. I CANNOT EXIST WITHOUT OTHERS.
THIS IS THE MESSAGE I WILL TRY AND DELIVER IN MY MUSIC; TO OTHERS LIKE ME AND THE ONES THAT HAVE NOT YET COME TO THIS UNDERSTANDING.

AND TO THOSE WHO HAVE KNOWN THIS ALL ALONG MY MUSIC WILL SPEAK TO THEM AS IF IT WAS CONVERSATION WITH A FRIEND.

A HIGHER POWER EXISTS EVEN IF IT ONLY EXISTS WHEN WE COME TOGETHER AS A COMMUNITY.
IF THE MAGIC ONLY APPEARS WHEN WE WANT IT TO, IT IS STILL MAGICAL.
IN THIS THOUGHT ALL OF US ARE UNDER THE SAME SPELL NO MATTER WHAT GOD WE WORSHIP.

YOU DONT HAVE TO BE PERFECT.
YOU DONT HAVE TO BE FILLED WITH A SPIRIT ALL THE TIME.
YOU CAN HAVE DARK MOMENTS.
BUT THE KNOWLEDGE THAT IT GETS BETTER AS YOU COME TOGETHER WITH OTHERS IS WHAT DRIVES YOU.

WHW~

Presents

I am naked
and cold.
alone
in this season of despair.

No shield
from the emptiness
that surrounds it all.
It’s nothing.  Really.

No distraction
great enough to blink it away.
Mired in the mindless
Bogged in the boredom
Sick of the same
eating away the comfort.
bite
by
bite.

me.

I need blinders.
I need gumption.
I need
to stop
feeling sorry for myself
and
get on
with my life.

Time
the ultimate illusion
slithers through my fingers.
no trace of what was.

The indelible stamp
of “was here.”

The mark unmade.

Is that a responsiblity I can bear?

If I will, then I can.  Why don’t I?

Ah… fear!  Always a sticking point.

I cannot operate from a place of fear.
I can only operate from a place of love.
I cannot succeed if fear-based moves
are made.

Years of training
like smelling salts.
Like a whack in the face
with a cold dead fish.
Damn.

This really stinks.

Someone
has stuck
their finger in my eye.

Cry
baby.

It is time. (the illusion)
I must stop. (and begin)
Feeling sorry for myself. (in my nakedness)
Just get on (move!)
with (or without – just move)
my life.

Open.
The gift.

from 2008…

Truly

Swirling possibilities
Too swift to catch
Fleeting hope
Melts like snowflakes on your tongue

Inequalities defined by perception
Truth like an onion
Layered
with skin

Curiosity invites vulnerability
A messenger on your doorstep
Even blinking takes time
The blink of an eye
all the same
all the same

Is difference unlike uniqueness?
Absolute Uniqueness
A joy
A curse
A founding member of pain

The double-edged sword of openness
The labels, the questions, the whispers,
the onlookers, smiling facades, vipers

I can be myself
No less
Not for you
who cares not for me

I must be myself
It’s my role
I have no understudy
None but timetime

Image found here:  www.theawall.com