Once upon a time, there was a crazy girl…

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…and she found herself in the middle of a swirl of unexpected things.  She tried to muddle through. She kept moving her feet, and the rest of her, but she seemed to be getting nowhere.  Since this wasn’t working, she decided to stop moving her feet, and the rest of her, and just BE.

Whatever would come, would come.  And she would deal with it then.  In the meantime, she decided to back away slowly and keep her head down.  Self preservation is important. Serenity is important. Mindfulness is important.  So she decided to move slowly and wait for everything to fall into place… like it always does. She was so grateful she remembered that part.

And then she felt better.

The Beginning

It’s A Wonderful Life

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Wow. I am tired. I wish this ride would stop. I really want off…

I look around and see what is going on, and I just want to bury my head in the sand.  All angles… It’s everywhere!  Can’t seem to catch a break.

I remember the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life, and realize that “this too shall pass” but there is no time table in sight.  I guess we each start over daily.  I would just like to make a better start.  I know it’s all good.  I’m just waiting to be able to see it. The good, that is.

I like to think they wouldn’t be better off without me, but proving it to them is a one time thing.  I’m not ready for that….  But we don’t always get to choose…

She’s how old?

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How did we get from this…?

To this?

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My baby girl is 17 today.  She is a beautiful and bright girl.  She is wickedly funny.  She is an awesome friend and a wonderful daughter.  She is a tomboy and a beauty queen.  She is a thief – a stealer of hearts.  A source of pride and joy.  She is a gift and we are grateful.

Happy 17th birthday to our youngest child.  Rock on, baby girl.

Every cloud…

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I saw a silver-lined cloud yesterday.  Absolutely perfect.  No beams of light shining from behind it.  Nothing but a rim of pure silver for an outline.  Then a friend made mention of a cloud with a silver lining.  Okay… I get it.  Remember to look for the silver lining.

We cannot know the purpose behind everything that happens to us.  Sometimes the world seems to rain down blows on us as we cower beneath that onslaught, afraid to look up.  I spent many years crouched on the ground, afraid to make a move.  Paralyzed by fear. Yet, here I am.  Standing tall.  Facing what life tosses my way.  And when I take a step back from the hard cold world that continues turning in spite of it all, I can see the silver lining.  The small things on the edges of life are worth getting up for everyday.

There was a time when I didn’t want to get up.  Not another day.  I didn’t have it in me.  It was a difficult time to say the least.  I made it through that and slowly got my footing.  The thing that I understood after the fact was that your life can change at any moment.  That today could be the day when BAM! My time to shine.  Life finally brings me what’s coming to me.  Happiness flies in on the wind.  And If I wasn’t here to see it, well… what a shame that would be.

I’m still here.  Whew.  What a ride!  Even though my wonderful life isn’t perfect, and the clouds still roll in, and life sometimes seems to rain down blows on me, I am no longer crouching in fear. I am looking for that silver lining, because it is THERE.  I’ve seen it.  I know how it works.  And tomorrow could be the day when … well…  I guess my dreams have come true in so many ways, beyond my wildest expectations.  However, sometimes life brings us bigger joys than we could ever dream on our best day.

There is a silver lining behind that cloud.  Hold on tight.  The storm will pass. Life can still bring you more joy than you could possibly ever imagine.  I promise.

[image found here:  http://thesunnygirl.com/2011/10/04/always-a-silver-lining/%5D

Fall is on the way…

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Fall is in the air here in Maryland.  Chilly mornings, perfect evenings.  The harvest of summer is at hand.  The seasons give us a forward looking heart, I believe.  Fall is my most favorite.  The leaves turn to their glory.  They leap, and float down to their Mother, the Earth, to snuggle in and protect the roots of their original home. The greenery of spring will come in due time.  One season away.

I love fall for the relaxation it offers.  A time to rest and reflect.  Not too hot.  Not too cool.  A moment to just “be” – though all the while Old Man Winter rubs his hands together in anticipation of cold North winds and snowflakes.  They will surely come – to those of us in seasonal climates. I will adore their arrival, but for now.. Just for today… I will bask in the knowing that fall is upon our doorstep.  And she brings with her the colors that inspire love and warm the heart.

As we look at the seasons of our lives in the next month, ushering in the dropping of leaves and the smell of woodsmoke, I urge you to find a few minutes to be still and breathe.  The preparations for winter will be urgent all too soon.  So for now, take a breath of fall air and say a silent prayer of thank you.

The Beach

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The Beach is not the place to work; to read, write or think. I should have remembered that from other years.  Too warm, too damp, too soft for any real mental discipline or sharp flights of spirit.  One never learns.  Hopefully, one carries down the faded straw bag, lumpy with books, clean paper, long over-due unanswered letters, freshly sharpened pencils, lists, and good intentions.  The books remain unread, the pencils break their points, and the pads rest smooth and unblemished as the cloudless sky. No reading, no writing, no thoughts even – at least not at first.

At first, the tired body takes over completely.  As on shipboard, one descends into a dock-chair apathy.  One is forced against one’s mind, against all tidy resolutions, back into the primeval rhythms of the sea-shore.  Rollers on the beach, wind in the pines, the slow flapping of herons across sand dunes, drown out the hectic rhythms of city and suburb, time tables and schedules. One falls under their spell, relaxes, stretches out prone.  One becomes, in fact, like the element on which one lies, flattened by the sea; bare, open, empty as the beach, erased by today’s tides of all yesterday’s scribblings.

And then, some morning in the second week, the mind wakes, comes to life again.  Not in a city sense – no – but beach-wise.  It begins to drift, to play, to turn over in gentle careless rolls like those lazy waves on the beach.  One never knows what chance treasures these easy unconscious rollers may toss up, on the smooth white sand of the conscious mind;  what perfectly rounded stone, what rare shell from the ocean floor.  Perhaps a channeled whelk, a moon shell, or even an argonaut.

But it must not be sought for or – heaven forbid!-dug for.  No, no dredging of the sea bottom here.  That would defeat one’s purpose.  The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient.  To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith.  Patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches. Patience and faith.  One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach – waiting for a gift from the sea.

From Gift From the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Image found here:  http://wallpaperswide.com/starfish_on_the_beach-wallpapers.html

Friday already?

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Wow.. Friday already!  Tons still to do at work and at home but that’s fine with me.  I do my best work under pressure.  Not sure why – it just IS.  I do not yet care to give up my title of reigning Queen of Procrastination.  I yam what I yam.  It may not always be fun but you can’t beat the adrenaline rush!

Yes – I mock and jest.  It’s just my way.  If you can’t beat’em – LAUGH AT ‘EM!  As long as you are aware that on many occasions you will be laughing at yourself.  And if you can’t laugh at yourself, WHO CAN?  Yes, of course I know the answer is everyone but that’s not the point.  What is the point?  HOW SHOULD I KNOW?  I’m just writing a blog!

I am grateful for those of you who read these little scraps of wording I throw online.  Sometimes I even read them myself. I KNOW RIGHT?  Actually today I am also grateful that I have kept this blog going, though sometimes sporadically, through the rocky times of the past few months. Truly not sure how I did it.  Surely I did take some time off to lick my wounds, but I’m back in full force so buckle your seat belts.  If you feel like it, peruse some of the past posts here.  There are some good ones.  Some ain’t so grand but we’ll keep that between us, deal?

Have a WONDERFUL WEEKEND!  I know I will.  Thanks again for your presence here.  You guys are da bomb.  (I always wanted to say that..lol)  Happy Friday already!

xoxo, ~ D

Image found here:

http://www.peoplepets.com/people/pets/article/0,,20536757,00.html