This morning as I drove to work, I saw a sign on a pasture fence that read, “Now Boarding, Equestrian Facility” or something like that. I drive by it every day. There are horses in the pasture, with barn type buildings in the distance. It’s beautiful and peaceful.
As I glanced over, I thought to myself, “I can’t wait until I can afford to have horses.” And as I glanced back at the road, I heard the sound of my tires hitting the grids from the road’s edge notifying me that I was drifting left, onto the shoulder. I quickly corrected, and thought to myself, “Stay on the road.” And it seemed that was the answer to my mental thought. Someday I’ll have horses. Yeah… okay… just stay on the road you’re on. No time for horses.
I firmly believe that one day my road will lead to a horse or a horse farm, where a few horses can graze on green grass, safe from slaughter. Even if they are just pasture ornaments – that’s fine with me. I do believe that will happen – but I do not see a means to that end right now. My hands are full, and kind of bound by the present moment. I can only keep doing what I am doing. Continuing on the road I’m on. My chosen path. The one that leads to me.
I can’t wait until I can afford to have horses. But it looks like wait, I will.
I don’t know why it is, but I don’t care about money. I am happy to help out where I can if someone needs money, even to my own detriment. But the truth is, I am not about money. And maybe that’s why I don’t have any. LOL!
The money will come. It always does.
The money will go. It always does.
In the meantime, this is a great tune to dance to… so I’m gonna do that…
…and she found herself in the middle of a swirl of unexpected things. She tried to muddle through. She kept moving her feet, and the rest of her, but she seemed to be getting nowhere. Since this wasn’t working, she decided to stop moving her feet, and the rest of her, and just BE.
Whatever would come, would come. And she would deal with it then. In the meantime, she decided to back away slowly and keep her head down. Self preservation is important. Serenity is important. Mindfulness is important. So she decided to move slowly and wait for everything to fall into place… like it always does. She was so grateful she remembered that part.
Sounds like a good option sometimes. Especially when things are coming at you faster than you can duck. You just want it to stop, to go away, to disappear. And that’s what I want.. I want all this shit to go away. But it won’t. …and I won’t either.
As hard as things are right now, and they are pretty freaking sucky, I don’t want to run away. I want to stand and face the fire. Because there is no one else to do this. This mountain of bullshit that is right in front of me is not going away. I’m going to have to shovel that shit. Yes, the whole fabulous mountain of it. And know what? I’m gonna.
This thing is not going away. If I want it to disappear, I’m going to have to do the work. And I want to do the work! Because I can’t leave it like it is, and there is no one else. And someone has to do it. And I know that I can. I want to see what it looks like without the mountain.
Mountain-Free. It’s what I’m gonna be.
Here’s to mountains, surmountable and otherwise.
Here’s to peace, found on the other side.