So my previous post was about me deciding to live my life like it was my last night on Earth. We went out to a small neighborhood restaurant/bar near where my husband grew up. We met up with the bass player’s wife and hung out with her while the band played. My husband saw a number of other friends he knew there as well.
We hung out with another couple that are very good friends also. There was a lot of laughter, good food, good music, good friends. So much GOOD. We shared triumphs and sorrows. We caught up on each others’ lives. We applauded a lot because they are a talented group of players.
Through all this I did not think about what I had to do tomorrow. I didn’t remember attitudes of unkindness I had experienced. I was focused solely on my friends, enjoying their company. Laughing, smiling, talking, telling jokes. Right there in the moment where everything came together. I made eye contact. I paid attention and listened more, as if I might never hear their voices again. I drank in their faces and features. Saw the inner beauty of each, fully flawed and fully perfect. I heard the tones and qualities of their voices. Relished the way their faces would light up in spontaneous joy at a shared witticism. I saw them as the treasures they are. I spent time with very dear friends, and my incredible husband. Keeping the framework of “what if” it were my last night on the planet. Well, if it was… I wanted to remember it as a beautiful thing. I sought to bask in the glow of the power of now. It was everything I dreamed and more.
All this because a simple thought crossed my mind. The “what if” possibility of a final chance at letting distractions fall away, of removing my to do list, of waving off my perceived sorrows. Because if I wasn’t here tomorrow, then none of that would matter. What mattered was right in front of me. Loved ones, dear friends, family and the handful of hours we spent together.
I loved the feeling of seeing what was right in front of me, rather than what was dancing in my head, waving flags and pointing to fragments of life vying for my attention. It was a joyous thing to have spent that time with those fabulous human beings. So very intriguing as to why the thought crossed my mind. And then, a few days later I realized something that riveted me in place. Surely not. But yes… it was a truth and I was dumbfounded that I had let it slip by. I never forget dates… never. But this time I had…
October 20 was the night I went out and lived in the moment. The realization of what that day represents hit me like a ton of bricks and the irony floored me. You see, the date of October 20th is the day that my father died in 1987. More on that tomorrow….