One month from today, I’ll be 53 years old! Boy – time flies when you’re having fun! …and even when you aren’t.
I was born in 1960 in a small town in North Carolina. I like that the year ends in zero, because as I get older, I can do the math easily when I forget which birthday is approaching. I’ve been doing the math for years. Funny that I can’t remember my own age at times. Perhaps it’s not as important a detail as I’ve thought.
I have a friend who said that she could not wait to be an adult. Her parents had always told her that when she was an adult things would be different. She said that one day in her early 20’s she realized that even though she was an adult, nothing had changed! She was still the same person. She thought of things the same way! She was just older. All that time she’d been expecting to be “different” when she “grew up” and it never happened. She was angry that no one told her she’d still feel the same inside, but that she would simply be of legal age to do grown up things. We are who we are, regardless of age.
I do feel the same in my head as when I was younger, but I am more confident and do not bow to fear. I try to make my decisions based in love, and not fear or anger. If you consider your motivation when making a decision, it reveals a lot about who you are. If you are paying attention, there is a much to be gained from this awareness.
My motivation in this life is to make others happy, sometimes to my own detriment. Making my decisions based in love doesn’t mean that I always give in, but that I must think of what it best for everyone in the situation in a given moment. One thing that is important for me to remember is that I, too, am worthy of decisions made on my behalf that are based in love. I have to love me, first. If I don’t then how could I possibly be fit to love another? This lesson took many years to learn. I am a slow learner when it comes to me. The thing I know, that I sometimes forget is that I must be my own best friend. Treat me nicely and make me laugh. Buy me presents and talk myself off the ledge. I’m worth the effort.
I’ve come a long way in 53 years. So much living left to do. So many people to love. On to 53 I go. …living, loving, and learning.