So my previous post was about me deciding to live my life like it was my last night on Earth. We went out to a small neighborhood restaurant/bar near where my husband grew up. We met up with the bass player’s wife and hung out with her while the band played. My husband saw a number of other friends he knew there as well.
We hung out with another couple that are very good friends also. There was a lot of laughter, good food, good music, good friends. So much GOOD. We shared triumphs and sorrows. We caught up on each others’ lives. We applauded a lot because they are a talented group of players.
Through all this I did not think about what I had to do tomorrow. I didn’t remember attitudes of unkindness I had experienced. I was focused solely on my friends, enjoying their company. Laughing, smiling, talking, telling jokes. Right there in the moment where everything came together. I made eye contact. I paid attention and listened more, as if I might never hear their voices again. I drank in their faces and features. Saw the inner beauty of each, fully flawed and fully perfect. I heard the tones and qualities of their voices. Relished the way their faces would light up in spontaneous joy at a shared witticism. I saw them as the treasures they are. I spent time with very dear friends, and my incredible husband. Keeping the framework of “what if” it were my last night on the planet. Well, if it was… I wanted to remember it as a beautiful thing. I sought to bask in the glow of the power of now. It was everything I dreamed and more.
All this because a simple thought crossed my mind. The “what if” possibility of a final chance at letting distractions fall away, of removing my to do list, of waving off my perceived sorrows. Because if I wasn’t here tomorrow, then none of that would matter. What mattered was right in front of me. Loved ones, dear friends, family and the handful of hours we spent together.
I loved the feeling of seeing what was right in front of me, rather than what was dancing in my head , waving flags and pointing to fragments of life vying for my attention. It was a joyous thing to have spent that time with those fabulous human beings. So very intriguing as to why the thought crossed my mind. And then, a few days later I realized something that riveted me in place. Surely not. But yes… it was a truth and I was dumbfounded that I had let it slip by. I never forget dates… never. But this time I had…
October 20 was the night I went out and lived in the moment. The realization of what that day represents hit me like a ton of bricks and the irony floored me. You see, the date of October 20th is the day that my father died in 1987. More on that tomorrow….