Once upon a time…

I never stop learning.  I am delighted by this fact, and live in a state of constant gratitude.  Some days are harder than others, but it helps to remember that every day has the potential for a new lesson.

Once upon a time… I told myself a story.  Actually… I tell myself stories every day.  All day.  Rather than take things at face value, my mind “enlightens” me to what’s REALLY in play at the moment.  And you know what?  That is a huge disservice I do myself.  Just because I BELIEVE something about what I see or hear, does not make it true.  Perception is a slippery slope.  I have learned that perception is just that:  WHAT I THINK.  It holds no more or less truth than reality because it is the story I tell myself.  It’s what “i” tell “ME” about what’s really going on at that moment.  Again – it’s a story.  Not all tales we tell are true, regardless of the weight we personally put behind them.

Let the story go.  Stop “reading” into what is happening.  You don’t know.  And neither do I.  It may make us feel important in the moment, or soothe our hurt feelings to explain something away that works for us – in whatever way we need.  But we need to separate the story from the phenomena.  Whatever happened, HAPPENED.

I am learning to not attach emotion to the happenings that cross my path.  I am completely intertwined in my emotions, so this is an especially difficult task for me.  But it’s a practice – something I must incorporate into my daily life – in order for it to become a habit.  There are many philosophies connected with this mindset, but my intention is what’s important.

I intend to stop giving a back story to behaviors, circumstances, altercations, occurrences, etc.  I intend to peel away the emotions that attach themselves to life.  My intention is important, but it’s the practice that will make the difference.

My life is too full to dance on hot coals or arm myself with rhetoric for the ill placed conversation.  I no longer have energy for that.  My desires and demands are solely mine.  It’s all too easy to get whipped up by any number of things that can occur in a day’s time.  Rather than feed into that sadly painful and archaic system, I will remember to be grateful for my life and the people and things in it.

It’s easy to find things to complain about.  I will work to remember that for which I am grateful.  One of those things is you.  Thank you for sharing my journey.

Part II (Better late than never..)

I do apologize for the delay.  I got run over by life… three times.. and then I lost count. 

***SIGH***

Where was I?  Oh yes!  Gratitude.  Lessons learned.  Loving life.  ..seems so long ago..

When last we spoke, my oldest daughter aged 21 was “holding a place in line” for a concert we were attending.  Read all about it in the previous post.

Her line to me and to my youngest daughter:  “Okay, you can NEVER leave me alone in a line again.”  She was in line in front of a group of “13 year-olds” as she put it.  They were wearing shorts that were cut off, as we used to do as kids.  But these shorts didn’t leave much to the imagination.  She could see their cheeks… with no effort at all.  They stood in line and chatted about boys.. and who wanted to see their boobs… and other charming facts about their lives. 

My daughter was appalled.  She referred to them as prostitutes.  Repeatedly.  She said their mother (one of their mothers) brought them Starbucks in line.  She could not believe that they had let their daughters leave home dressed like that.  And she couldn’t stop talking about it. 

“When I have daughters they will NEVER have such screwed up priorities!”

As a mom, who worked like a dog to be sure my girls have good self esteem, I am in love with the above statement.  I love my girls, and all girls who struggle and those who don’t.  Take the good when you find it.  Just be sure you remember to look for it, because sometimes the good is hidden.

Blessings to you on this fine Friday!

Lessons Learned

This past weekend was a great one for me.  I wanted to share it with you on Monday, and suddenly it’s Tuesday.  What?  It’s Wednesday?  OKAY!  Woo hoo!!  Wednesday!

On Sunday, my daughters – ages 21 and 16 – went to a concert.  I went along as well because, …well… I paid.  lol.  It was a very interesting day.  It started out a little shaky.  But it ended perfectly.

Just before we were walking out the door, my oldest asked her sister, “Is there anyone you would want to go with you?  That could be ready to leave right now?”  I asked if she didn’t want to go.  She looked kind of helpless and said, “No.  I do.  It’s just…  she doesn’t have anyone to hang out with.”  It turns out my daughter’s “bff” was going with another friend.  She had asked if they could save her a spot in line, and was told it wasn’t fair to let her butt in line.  Just because it happens everywhere?  Okay.  This wasn’t about butting in line.  This was about something more.

After driving for nearly an hour, I dropped my girls off at the end of the line – halfway down the street – and went to find out about picking up our tickets at “Will Call.”  It was roughly 2:00 and Will Call was supposed to open at 3:00.  The doors opened at 4:30 and the show started at 5:30.  So I walked down the street and my youngest walked back to the car with me to go to McDonald’s.  (Yes, I know McD’s ain’t the best choice, but let’s move on…)  As we were walking back to the car to go get the food, we saw her friend in line very close to the door.  She wasn’t texting my daughter back anymore.  My dear daughter (dd) was very sad.  On the verge of tears – and she’s NOT a crier.  She said, “I just thought it would be like it was before.  I was so looking forward to seeing this show with her.  She does this to me all the time.  I guess I’ll never learn my lesson.”  …Hold on there… What?

“No.” I told her.  “You have no lesson to learn.  You have been a good friend to “bff”.  You have been there for her.  You have helped her through the hardest times and have always been her champion.  You have done NOTHING wrong.  The lesson is HERS to learn.  That’s how life is.  Don’t stop being you.  Don’t change who you are.  You did everything right.  You are walking in your integrity.  She’ll learn her lesson and you won’t have to do anything.  That’s how life is.”

As we were waiting for our food at McDonald’s, a girl shouts my daughter’s name and runs over to her.  “Oh hi!” dd says.  Turns out the girl was going to the show as well.  They agreed to meet up.  Her mom had to get tickets at Will Call also.

Walking to the car with our food, dd says: “Okay, that’s perfect.  Now I have someone to hang out with.”  See?  I told her, gleefully.  Do you see how that worked out?  Totally Serendipity.  Her reply: “I was just thinking that.”

I dropped her off with her sister – at the now middle of the line that went down the street – and parked and headed for Will Call.  And as I did, the oddest thing happened…  Everyone rushed to the doors, as they began setting up barriers and signs for Male and Female.  Everyone had to be searched as they went through.  Suddenly, there WAS no semblance of lines.  All those who had shown up early and waited were relegated to “also ran” status as the “queue”  disappeared.  The Will Call line and the crowd were one and the same; it wasn’t a line – it was a throng.  (It was very disorganized and I was extremely disappointed in the venue for how this event was handled, but that is another day’s story.)

Long story short – when the doors opened, we were one of the first ones in the building.  My daughter’s goal was to be at the front of the stage against the barricade.  ..And so she was.  At the barricade, with a friend, having a great time.  I texted her after the first band, saying “let me know you are alive”.. and her reply was “We are! “  I asked her if she saw her bff and she said, “No.  She’s not at the barricade.  But I AM!”

Her next text to me was “Bff just texted me.  She’s crying in a corner, having a panic attack, and I can’t get out to go to her.”  Me: You stay where you are.  If she needs someone, I’ll go to her but you don’t move from that spot.  Her:  “Yeah, she quit texting me again.”

Success – Part 1

We had a great time.  My little one had a great time.  She was with a friend, at the front of the stage.  She got a pick from the bass player of her favorite band, and some great photos.  Fate intervened and gave her what she desired because she trusted the process.  She learned that you do the right thing because it IS the right thing.  Others may not like it, but that’s no reason to behave otherwise.

That’s the first part of the story.  There’s more – but enough for now.  To be continued tomorrow…

Have a wonderful May Day!  Spring is sprung!!

image found here:  http://richtaveras.com/2012/07/17/time/

Monday Check-In… Project Plans?

Got your plans moving toward your 30 day goal?  Only 25 days left!  It’s up to you.. if you don’t plan to do anything for you after all, then that is your choice.

Read it again:  YOUR CHOICE.

I admit that my “plan” is still in “mental” form.. please – no comments from the peanut gallery…  It’s just hard to choose which awesome thing I want for me.  I promise I’ll have chosen by tomorrow.  Join me?

Working Towards A Goal

Yesterday I posted about Self Care.  I challenged us all to have a plan to do something nice for ourselves in 30 days.  Most women in a family setting put themselves last.  If you don’t stop to recharge your battery, how far will you get before you run out of steam?  Not very far, I’m quite certain.  So let’s take a look at how we get to the 30 day goal mark successfully.

First you need to decide what it is you want to do in 30 days.  Is it a shopping trip?  Is it a nature trip?  A day where you do nothing but relax and watch the tube?  (Well, I do hope it’s not that last one but, hey… to each her own…)  Decide what it is you want to do in 30 days.  That’s step one.

Get a piece of paper or find a chalk board – whatever form of notation works for you.  Start brainstorming on what you are going to do for yourself in 30 (29) days.  You need to have a firm plan in place if you are to achieve your goal.  Decide now what your ultimate “self care”  day looks like.  It may be harder for some to get a clear picture of what doing something for yourself looks like.  Think of one thing (or 12 things) that would make you feel special.  That would be a form of loving yourself.  A manicure or pedicure or both!  A day where you unplug the phone and work on a quilt.  Or a scrapbook.  Or go look for fabric for a project you want to complete.

By Monday you need to have decided what you want to do for you in 30 (25) days.  By Monday one sixth (1/6) of your time to bring this plan to fruition is gone.  To achieve your goal, you must stick to a plan.

GOAL:  Decide what self care choice you are making for yourself by Monday, April 29, 2013.  It can be done.  If you will, then you can.  Make it so!  Have a great day – make that so as well!

Self Care

Today I’d like to remind us of the oxygen mask theory.  You can’t help anyone else if you don’t first take care of yourself.  Sometimes it’s all too easy to find yourself in the familiar scenery of the back burner.  It doesn’t matter if you are marvelous at handling the reins from there.  In fact, that’s an even better indicator that you need to take care of you.

In the next month, I want you to have a plan to do something for YOU.  A day trip or a weekend or a full-fledged “all about you” trip.  Only you can know what will really be relaxing for you, or fun for you, or whatever you need it to be.

You.  You are in charge.  Start planning something for yourself.  Don’t take NO for an answer.  You aren’t asking permission.  You are supplying information to those who need it.  I’ll be checking back for progress.  Let’s call it a project, shall we?  30 days to you.  Countdown begins… NOW!

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”

― Helen Keller, The Open Door

Image source:  http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/disney-up-hot-air-balloon

A day in the life…

Yesterday after I got home from work, I took the time to do something important.  I played with our dog.  He’s pushing 13 and such a good boy.  The only thing he’s really pushy about is getting dog treats.  Terrible manners.  But other than that, he’s our golden boy in more ways than one.

We played catch and fetch with his “lion.”  He is really stiff jointed at times so catching is really just a toss to him, so he only has a small hop up to catch it.  It’s good exercise for him.  Fetching is a toss to just where the carpet ends and the foyer begins.  He lumbers over and grabs his toy and lopes back.  Very small movements can be so important for physical well-being.  I learned this when I was having physical therapy.  It’s just amazing how small repetitive movements of a certain nature can help to strengthen your muscles and help you move more easily.  Plus, he loves to play so it is truly a win win.

He demonstrated how well behaved he is and how well taught he is.  He knows the commands he has heard all his life.  Sit, stay, down, come, give, back, pose, bring, and of course, speak.  He also demonstrated that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks… if he doesn’t want to learn them.  He has done this on a number of occasions.  It’s safe to say the theory holds true in our home.

He squeaked his lion and gave it “love nibbles”.  He stopped to rest a couple of times.  It was just a perfect day in the life of our old dog.  I so wished I had a video camera – that works – so I could have captured all the nuances about him that show what a wonderful dog he is.  How well behaved he is and how happy he is to be our dog.  Even with his decidedly gray face and eyebrows, he is a beautifully handsome boy.  I must have hugged him ten times.  I told him what a good boy he is at least twenty times. His cloudy eyes were quite alert while he waited for the next toss, with a command of “catch” or “go get it.” (He appreciates the heads up…)

And as I sat there, loving the time spent with our dear family member, I was struck by how wonderful it is to have an old dog.  To have cared for him his whole life and to see him age, to take him to the vet when he was sick and to love him more all the time.  To have people say, “wow, you’re an old doggie” when they meet him is a somewhat prideful thing.  Yes.  He’s an old dog.  He’s our family member.  He’s the best dog ever.  He’s the “King of Tinkyness” (he doesn’t stink – he just likes things that do…).  Yes.  He is old and gray and he’s more work than he used to be, but he’s my best friend.  He’s a best friend to all of us.  He’s never let us down.  He’s never “not there” for us.  He’s the most wonderful companion I’ve ever had.

About a week ago, I was sitting on the deck enjoying some time with the sky and our critters.  The two cats and the dog love to keep me company.  I remember looking at our wonderful boy and looking up at the sky and thinking, “Who will protect me when Boomer’s gone?”  And a horrible feeling came over me.  The foreboding of sadness on the horizon.  I looked back at my faithful friend who raised his head, looked around …and began to whine.  It was quite a moment.  I choked up.

We are the proud parents of a senior dog.  One who has given us the best of days, ours and his.  One who has shared our home and our love and never given up on us.  Ever.  Never will you ever see our dear compatriot listed as needing a home because he got too old, or we retired or had to sell the house.  I’m not judging those whose families have made those types of decisions.  I just know that we will never make any kind of move without our old dog.  Our best buddy.  The most incredible addition our family has ever known.  As long as there are squirrels at the bird feeder that need to be chased, or his arch enemy – the UPS man – is daring to drive up to the house, our old man will have our backs.  Right up to the end.  We know it’s coming one day.  But for today, we will carry on as usual.  Giving him too many dog treats.  Agreeing with visitors that he’s such a nice boy and still so handsome.  Getting up to let him in.. or out.. and in again so he can go out… again.

Sharing a day in the life of our good, old dog is a gift I gave myself yesterday.  Thank you, Boomer, for reminding me what old dogs are good for – everything.